Cap 2:
Four years after my first encounter with LSD, here I was close to Cusco, Peru, doing Ayahuasca for the second time, crying my ass off because of all the shit in my inside even though I thought to myself to never let me go so down again, but I could not help, I didn't even notice, fucking again I didn’t notice.
It's so crazy how your mind gets you and doesn't let go until somehow you find something that heals you, normally you heal from external things, a headache, a stomachache, but you don’t get that for your mind or spirit. And in the city everyone is so trapped in it, that all of us are just sick but none of us know. how would you notice it?
In the second ceremony I had the fortune to have my girlfriend by my side, she held me and I could cry and ask for forgiveness all the way down to my core values and the core of my soul.
For the second time I was crying my heart out, I was trying to help myself for the past 2 years, but It looks like I'm not able to do it consciously, but does not matter, in the end, my soul guided me just to where I need to be in order to heal, the thing is, are you listening to your soul, are you ignoring it, it's almost close to impossible to notice if you are listing to your ego, to your soul, to your mind, or you just in autopilot doing it all, just because you are trapped. I was trapped, in the system, in the matrix, that shit actually exists, but is not what you think it is.
Close to 2 hours into the 2nd Ayahuasca day, I finally was able to detach myself from my mind and I went to a place where there is just pure love and where I could finally be with my Guru.
With just one look at you Guru, you understand that everything will be ok, you have nothing to worry about and all you are doing is for the good of yourself and the ones that you love, and love you back. But real love.
I was finally able to see who my Guru was. In Yoga pretty much all the texts say that you need a guru to be able to understand what true love really means, me being in the City I thought I was never able to find a Guru, I would not go to India to see if some kind of miracle happened and I was able to find my Guru like Yogananda in Autobiography of a Yogi. That will not happen to me.
On the other hand, I was always thinking about how I can be my own Guru. How did the first person do it then? Who was the guru of the first person that did That? And by That I mean, connect with the source from where we all come from. connect with the SuperAlma (Super Soul, Krishna, the energy that rules this universe, the holy spirit). Call it however you feel comfortable with.
All I wanted to do was connect with that. I failed so many times. I got banned for astral planes, mushrooms did not want me parching with them, Lucy did not want me parching with her, I wasn’t even able to parchar with myself anymore. The thing is I was banned from hanging out with myself for so long that I was so used to it I did not realize I was banned. Crazy talking, I know. Do not read more, shit gets crazier and crazier.
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